The Bottom of the Rice

I have been trying pretty hard these days to be more positive.  I would like to think that I am on my way to enlightenment because reaching enlightenment really would benefit me!!  In my recent quest, I find that I am longing for the days when I was getting better and better at my "Downward Dog" and feeling cleansed and renewed after being assured by my fabulous yoga instructor that every Tuesday night at 7pm or Sat. morning at 11am for a year (give or take a few months) I was "exactly where I was supposed to be and who I was supposed to be" right then and there.  I nearly cried every time she said that.

So, as part of my effort to truly try and be more positive, I am going to list some pretty wonderful things that have happened in the last few weeks, little as they may be (it really is the little things that keep me going lately) in spite of the tornado of not-so-great things that have also been happening.

1. While I was fuming from an argument w/my lovely husband two weeks ago, I angrily got out the rice I had cooked the day before to make myself a small plate of food for lunch.  He had just made his 20 minute appearance in between jobs for his meal and did what he usually does when we're in the middle of the latest battle of Postpartum World War III, which is to act like everything is rosy and wonderful  (He is much better at the positivity thing than I am.)  As I opened the container of white rice I was, admittedly, doing a little huffing and puffing --- and then saw it - the beautiful crispy golden brown clusters that are the best part of Haitian rice.  Those of you who have never had the yummy bottom of the rice that is called "Graten" (it's a creole word so you'll have to forgive me in that I have absolutely no idea how to spell and really even how to say it) will not understand this.  But it is the best part of the rice - the part, especially of the white rice, that soaks up all the garlic and oil at the bottom of the pan and cooks to a golden brown that crunches like heaven in your mouth.  I LOVE IT.  We both love it.  Everyone who ever has it LOVES it, because it is scrumptious.  My husband had about 3 chances to eat it all - and he used to do this regularly and when I would say, "Honey, why did you eat all the "graten?"  He would say such things as, "Oh I didn't know you wanted any!"  (such a man) So, needless to say, I was very touched that he had left me my fair share of this delectable snack - in spite of the fact that we hadn't spoken to each other int he previous 30 hours.  ;)  I had a lil' moment or cathartic breath, if you will, and actually got a lil' teary eyed and sighed, "He DOES love me."  ;)  (I am certain this reaction had nothing to do w/postpartum hormones... and yes, I am laughing at myself as I type this.)

2.  Recently I was able to visit my friend Dimitri and his family.  Dimitri renews my spirit every time I see him.  He is continuing to fight neuroblastoma and the incredible aftermath of illnesses that it left in his body... yet you would never, ever know it.  He is a bundle of joy and truly has no idea the incredible symbol for resiliency that he has become in so many people's lives!  He absolutely loves my baby Zaiya and I don't know who loves seeing them play together more, me or his mommy!  Here they are together, along with Dimitri's incredibly talented older brother, Maurizo, who is possibly the sweetest teenage hip hop artist you'll ever meet.  ;) Check him out! (AB da Best & Rizio)

                                        (I think he's pretty amazing, too, baby Zaiya!)

3.  I love photography.  I do not get to enjoy this hobby nearly enough - however - when I do it is usually when I am taking pictures of this little guy.  I love my nephew, Landon, so much - it is so hard to believe that he is such a big kid now.  It seems like yesterday when he was born - today I love to pick him up and cradle him like I did when he was a baby and tell him how I used to take such good care of him and kiss him goodnight and tell him, "Don't cry, baby Landon" as he giggles and tells me, "I'm a big boy now, Tatti!"  He calls me "Tatti" which is the Haitian word for "Aunt."  It was easier to say than "Aunt Karen" so it stuck.  ;)  These pictures are my favorites from the day; they were taken at Ashlawn in Charlottesville, where we attended my cousin's wedding a couple weeks ago.  It was a photographer's dream!

                         

                                                

4. After running errands the other day, I came home to find my husband playing his saxophone for Zaiya.  Picture it: the most amazing kid's cd ever, Caribbean Playground by Putumaya Kids, and the sound of your husband playing along while your 6 month old watches in admiration.  It was pretty priceless and truly gave me some serious warm fuzzies.  It is times like this that I am so thankful my husband is who he is.  It really doesn't matter what is going on in our lives, he finds a way to bring himself (and me, when I let him!) joy.  That afternoon was my favorite - I literally forgot everything that was bothering me and let myself get lost in that moment.  (He wouldn't let me take pictures or I'd have one to show you!)

5.  My cousin married the man of her dreams.  My aunt sent around a link for us to view the pics from her wedding.  I feel like it was a whirlwind weekend - and I don't think I paused enough to reflect on what was actually happening.  While I was looking at her pictures I got a lil' misty eyed, thinking about all they've been through and all the odds they've overcome... all leading up to some of the sweetest, most genuine moments I've ever seen at a wedding - and a lot that I didn't see that were captured by one amazing photographer!  Here is a picture I snapped of them listening to my parents and my aunts perform one hilarious song for them!  

I am so happy for you, Rebecca and Eamon.  I love you both!

6.  And finally... my crab plant is flowering.  Every day I come home, usually in a mad rush to get Zaiya down for a nap and/or bedtime and my head is a mess until I get to my door and see this amazing sunshine bright flower staring at me as if to say: STOP AND SMELL THE CRAB PLANTS.  :)  As usual, Minkie knows just what to say and just how to remind me that I am where I am supposed to be and who I am supposed to be... every time I come home.

The happiest half year of my life...

At my cousin's wedding this past weekend, a woman approached me to remark how adorable Zaiya is (I mean he is, isn't he? ;)  She asked me how old his was and when I told her, her eyes watered a bit and she touched my arm and said, "Doesn't it go by so fast?"  People have said this a lot to me, but there was something about the sincerity with which she spoke.  She then told me that the day before her daughter's 1st birthday, she was sitting on the toilet bawling!  I assumed the "sitting on the toilet" part of the story was her mommy brain talking... ;)  She explained that when her husband found her and asked what in the world could be so wrong, she said, "I just don't understand how the happiest year of my life could have gone by so quickly."   Now, my eyes suddenly filled with tears.

The past six months have not been easy.  Let me say that again.  These last six months have not been easy. ;)  But I have to say that they have been the happiest six months of my life.  I cannot believe that it is half over.  I have tried to pause whenever I am able and take mental pictures of how I am feeling when Zaiya snuggles his head into my shoulder to fall asleep, or when he stops nursing to look up and laugh at me for no apparent reason, or when he holds my face in his hands and stares at me like I am the center of his universe and I tell him, "I love you, too," or when I am holding him cheek to cheek as we dance around the room, enjoying the calm that comes over both of us.  I pause as much as possible to take note of how it feels to hold my little boy in my arms at nearly every month mark we have conquered (and yes it has felt like a conquering every time!)

I am thankful to this stranger for sharing her experience with me.  There are so many things I wish I had accomplished in the last 6 months (I haven't started Zaiya's scrapbook yet... and I am determined to get through at least months 1-6 before he turns 1 year old!)  But I realize that the main reason I haven't done more is because I can't stop spending time with him.  I am now determined to feel a little less guilty for not doing all the things I said I would do and instead to spend more time patting myself on the back for doing with my time just what I am meant to do for now: enjoy this first year of Zaiya's life.  The scrapbook can wait.  ;)  I have loved nothing more in this life than being a mommy.  It truly is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am planning on soaking up every bit of joy that this first year has left to offer.

Now for a proper update:
Mr. Zaiya is roughly 16 pounds now.   He is at the point where all he really needs to entertain him is interaction.  Toys are great, but laying beside mommy or daddy is even better.  He loves to laugh with us and explore our faces with his hands, show us how he can roll over onto his stomach and now back onto his back!  And watch out, because if you aren't careful, he'll roll right off the changing table.  (OY.)  He can sit up, and giggles when he falls over.  He's even had his first couple face plants and has proudly taken it "like a man!"  You can see below that he has become much more interested in books lately... naturally we take that as a sign of his brilliance.  :)  He loves his newest toy, the jump jump.  He is like a little King in this thing - it's amazing how much this kid loves to be on his feet already so his new favorite place to be is the jump jump!!!  :)

We spent some time in the pool with him at my cousin Rebecca's wedding this past weekend, and he is definitely a water baby!  He kicked and laughed and loved being thrown above the water!  It was so much fun to have him in the water!  We spent a lot of time at Auntie Kristen's house this month and it's really more like an amusement park for Zaiya - you can see him having a blast with his cousins and his Auntie below!  I am so excited about this update because it has videos!!  Please alert me if they do not work for you because they are both priceless and I would hate for you to miss them.  This will be the first time most of you will have seen him live!  :)

Am I cute or what?  Seriously.

I LOVE helping mommy with the laundry!

My son, future Harvard graduate:

Yet another one of mommy's brilliant photography ideas!  "He'll fit in this basket!"

    

This kid is way too comfortable with a cell phone, already...

Another "Mr. T" shot!

Love that smile!

My first Jack-in-the-box!

The latest adventures of Connor and Zaiya!  

Zaiya is learning to hold his own w/his big cousin... ;)

Keep in mind while watching this that Connor is only 3 months older than Zaiya!

Hanging out with my big cousin Landon!  He is very strong!

This kid thinks he's gonna take my piano.  Not MY piano... 

I finished my very first whole jar of baby food!  Yummy Squash!  

(I love his expression - what?  no more?)

My favorites:

All together now:  AWWWWW!!!!!

Finally, you can see how addicting this kid's laughter is!  

I am so glad I caught this on my lil' camera!  Zaiya LOVES his Auntie Kristen!

Hey, check out my new skills!!

Just gettin' a bath.  And lookin' cute.  Yep.

Just takin' it easy, man.  Peace!

My first time in the pool with mommy and daddy!  Zaiya LOVES the water!

      I'm ready to start walking now!                                

Being silly with daddy!

Mommy's happy place...

We love our little guy!

Best family pic so far!

HAPPY HALF YEAR, ZAIYA!!

My Crab Plant

I thought motherhood came with a green thumb.  Apparently, it does not.  The therapeutic remedies of soothing one's soul with soil never appealed to me until I became pregnant.  Call it nesting.  I have tried to nurture many a plant since this agricultural awakening... and I am sad to say that I have failed nearly all of my green friends.  I had a beautiful front "yard" with every color pansy you can think of for about 2 weeks until they realized that I was too busy to water them and slowly but surely left me to play in someone else's garden... someone without a newborn or postpartum hormones telling them to grow everything but water nothing.  I do, however, have one jewel to brag about in this blog.  

For my first Mother's Day this year, my mom brought me a stick from her house.  I thought for sure she'd really lost it... "Thanks, mom....???"  Until, she explained, the "stick" was the offspring of my Minkie's infamous "Shrimp Plant."  Now, I say infamous because everyone seems to have noticed this plant except for me.  Like I said, prior to pregnancy I could have cared less about plants, and certainly never knew the names of all the many plants my grandmother had.  Although now when I think back to her cozy apartment and all the time I spent sitting and talking with her, I realize now that it was so peaceful because of all of her perfectly pruned and polished plants.  Her plants were happy plants.  I was obviously touched that my mother thought to share such a special part of Minkie's garden with me... but my first thought truly was, "Oh.  My.  I am going to kill this plant, and it will be the saddest plant failure yet!"  I mean, it came with specific instructions that had to be googled.  I couldn't even grasp the concept of watering... I was doomed.  But nonetheless I sought to give it my best just as I always had with the others.  

Luckily, all this new green friend really demanded of me was that I place it in a clear container filled with water, in a sunny spot in my house.  I thought, "I can handle that!"  So, I took my best water glass ;) and placed it in the center of my dining room table and went about my new mommy life.  A few weeks passed, and I started to see roots grow (when I had time to actually observe the glass) and noticed that a little leaf sprout had sprung!  I was amazed and proud (I need more "do nothing" plants!)  

Over the next several weeks and months my little shrimp plant has made me such a proud plant mommy.  She has graduated from the table in the water glass and is now thriving on my front porch in her second pot.  I proudly send my mom pictures on her phone of her progress... a picture of Zaiya, then a few days later, a picture of my happy plant!  My Uncle Fred came to visit me a couple weeks ago and I think I was just as proud to show him my shrimp plant as I was to show him my six month old!  ;)  He came onto the front deck, smiled and told me, "Yep, that's about where Minkie had hers... right outside the door."  This just re-iterated to me that it is my Minkie's spirit that is alive in this plant... so I am pretty sure that this may be the plant to turn my thumb green, finally.

I simply have no doubt that this plant is surviving only because my Minkie wanted a front row seat to the madness that my life has become!  I know she would have loved Zaiya and my hope is that she is watching him from my front porch and giggling with us as we giggle with him.  

I only have one problem with this plant.  I can't wrap my head around why it is called a "shrimp plant."  Maybe because nothing makes me think of Minkie more than eating crabs.  For as long as I can remember until my grandparents were no longer able, our family would get together on the 4th of July and eat the best crabs you could ever eat!  We had shrimp as well, but it was the crabs that brought out the true magic for our family.  Those memories are some of the greatest of my life.  I miss those times and I truly wish that we still kept that tradition alive today.  

My favorite picture of my Minkie is of her with a beer in one hand and a crab in the other... on her 90th birthday!  So I have decided that this amazing new green friend of mine is officially my "Crab Plant" and I am so proud of her and cannot wait to see where she will grow from here!

I miss you, Minkie.  Thank you for taking such good care of my new little green friend, and I think it is a perfect way for you to keep an eye on me ;).  I hope you don't mind her new name!