The weather this morning was a little crispy - so the chill obviously stole a few more sniffles from me. It was strange. All I wanted to do was come home. I thought I was going to want to distract myself and run errands, but this is all I wanted to do: write. Nothing comforts me more than this. I just love technology --- I just dropped him off this morning and I get to share all my feelings and the very pics I just took two hours ago with the world!
It really doesn't feel real, I guess that's part of the reason I'm holding it together so well. I feel like I left someone else's child at the daycare because I still have a little baby boy - a little baby who is nowhere near big enough to sit in his own chair or sleep on a cot! I remember like it was yesterday what it felt like to hold him when he was just 5 pounds small... how fragile and magical it all felt. I can still remember every moment of his birth, every moment of his first doctor's visit, his first little preemie outfit that I bought him, his first little curls... now he has a head full of curls and is wearing big boy shoes and jeans and shirts! He's just figured out how to sit himself back up after being on his belly. He's not quite crawling yet, but his little scoot gets faster and faster everyday.
The house is quiet and feels pretty empty without my little guy. Currently on the iTunes player: Angel by Sarah McLachlan. I know for sure that my little buddy has plenty of angels watching over him now! As do I, which is the comfort that I am clinging to. Life feels very quiet now, and as I was driving with an empty car seat and no baby cooing in the back seat, I have to admit the only song playing in my head was from the Pamper's Commercial: "I'm a BIG GIRL now!" LOL! I wanted my phone to ring instantly... somebody, anybody, call me to check on me! But I'm a mommy now and it's time for me to do the calling and checking! I decided to give Marc at least another hour to call and check before I accused him of abandoning me on my big debut... errr.... Zaiya's big debut... ;). And, of course, when he got a free moment he did call to check on us!
Currently on the iTunes player: Wake Up Everybody by Harold Melvin and The Blue Notes. It really would help if you all could hear these songs. "Wake Up Everybody" has the perfect lyrics. If you click the link you can listen to it! It's the perfect song... I am quite sure that this is only the beginning for my little man. I know that he is pretty much destined to make a change in this world in one way or the other. Between Marc and I, he should have enough passion to carry him through just about anything. I can't wait to watch him in all of his learning and discovery. Maybe that's another reason why I'm doing so well - I am so excited about Zaiya's entrance into education. I, of course, am having visions of him graduating from college, and then Graduate School, and then getting his PhD in something super exciting like, "Why parents expect so much from their children." HAHAHA!!!
I think I am starting to ramble... so I'll end it here. Thank you for sitting with me in these first moments with an "empty nest." ;) I have a feeling dropping him off tomorrow is going to be even harder, for some reason. When I was pregnant, I remember thinking about how overwhelming and strange it would be to have a baby in the house all the time... when for so many years it had just been me and Marc and quiet was all we knew! Now, it is overwhelming and strange to have the opposite. It didn't take any time at all for me to adjust to the laughter and noise that Zaiya's presence brought into our world... now I don't really know what to do with myself without it.
Here are the pictures I took of the little man on his first big day... enjoy! But I'm warning you... they might make you cry too!
